The Guilt of the Motherhood

In addition to recycling more, reducing my road rage, and not cussing, in my quest to be a better person, I am trying to reduce my tendency to be judgmental. I get it from my mother. Yes, I would tell her that, so I do not write 'out of school.' Boy, was I wrong about stay-at-home moms. I always sneered at the mommies at home as I rushed off to work in the mornings. "Lucky sons o'....." I had no idea. Staying at home with the kiddos is the greatest conflict. I feel guilty being home, I feel guilty when I don't read to the twins, I feel guilty for letting Jack climb on his jungle gym with only one eye on him, I feel guilty about wanting to go back to work and then I panic about how and who will take care of them if I go back. Staying at home is tough, emotionally and physically exhausting. I don't miss the gut worry when I am away from them or the desperate panic if I'm on a plane and there's terrible turbulance, but generally speaking, I miss being part of the larger working world.

It's weird. Most people I encounter laud the fact that I'm taking some time off to be with the kiddos, but in the next breath say, "Gosh, all that education. Wasted." Or "Well, what did you think would happen?" Or, "If you were working, you'd probably be at the Cards-Cubs game right now!" If there is one topic that everyone has an opinion on, it's child rearing and mothers. I'm taking myself out of the conversation and worrying only about my own flock, but I'm also not going to judge other mothers, be they working outside the home or not. This is a heavy enough load to hoe already.

I am happy to report that Jack seems to have passed the biting, hitting, shoving phase. Yes, I know, it's just one of those things, but it was quite upsetting. I'm reading a discipline book recommended by our pediatrician, 1-2-3 Magic. It's genius. We had a quiet 4th and stayed here. Aunt Emmy came into town and we had a bbq, etc.

In the pictures, Jack cuddles with Brooke and Caroline, Brooke and Caroline cuddle, Daddy tries to comfort the twinnies, Aunt Emmy feeds Caroline and Nana with all her grandbabies. Happy Tuesday