Health Scare

I am slightly irritated when people say in response to bad news, "Well, at least you have your health." It's true, though. Not much else matters if that fails.

J and I are hypochondriacs with addictions to Mayo Clinic's website and webmd. Terribly unhealthy, because their symptom checker makes a runny nose out to be cancer, but it's our hobby. This is also an undesirable trait that we will undoubtedly pass onto our children, but I'm hoping that one of them will become a doctor just so I have someone who will take my many calls about my sniffles in my old age. My hypochonria comes from my experience with my dad who died of lung cancer when I was 20. When I was 16, his eye started turning inward, he went to every doctor available and had a myriad of treatments before a tumor was found on his optic nerve. He had radiation and went into remission. I went to college. When I was at the end of my sophomore year, he relapsed into lung cancer, which killed him in about 7 months. This was a great tragedy for many reasons, but particularly so in our family's case, mostly because mi madre is, to say the least, an unconventional parent, and we didn't realize how weird our situation was until he died. We were lucky to have him as long as we did. J's hypochondria is a family tradition, from what I can tell, though both his parents are cancer survivors and it likely stems from those experiences.

On Friday, J woke up achy and had some swelling in some extremities. He saw a friend of the family who is a doctor on Saturday, who prescribed CIPRO, which is a heavy duty antibiotic. On Sunday, his limb pain became worse and by Monday morning, he was having a hard time gripping the toothpaste tube and couldn't pick up the babies. We stupidly and arrogantly, did not have a primary care physician. It took me a solid hour and 1/2 to find a doctor who would see us and run some tests. Yes, we thought about the ER, but given our experiences there (it's like the sick room at Ellis Island) I really wanted to at least have a doc refer us for testing. So, I finally found a reputable doctor who would see us, though she is a partner of a physician whose sister happens to be our neighbor who called ahead for us (FINDING A DOCTOR SHOULD NOT REQUIRE A PERSONAL CONNECTION FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. WHAT KIND OF WORLD ARE WE LIVING IN? I don't know what the solution to health care and providing it as a right and not a privilege is. It is VERY expensive and I do think that it is very difficult to tell people when and if they should continue treatment for chronic conditions, etc., among many, many other issues, but we should really think about this issue. Requiring hospitals to take in all indigent and underinsured patients for sinus infections in their emergency rooms does not make any sense. I know nothing about this issue other that what I read. I'm sure that I am unaware of the many problems with providing health care on a different basis other than tying it to one's job, but I do think that it is a subject that I would like to turn my advocacy talents toward. I don't know how exactly, but perhaps that's my new career. Giving that some thought.) I digress. Anyway, yesterday afternoon, with J unable to open a car door, we finally get to the doctor. She spends a good deal of time with us (Susu came to sit with the kiddos) and took blood and urine tests. To make a very long story short, he's fine and is suffering from a difficult and weird virus. Some of his tests indicated a higher enzyme than preferred in his liver, but the doctor thought that might be related to his virus. He's going back next week to be retested and to make sure that all is well.

I tell this story to update everyone but also to say that life without J would not be worth living. He made me believe in love again and gave me a family, for which I will be forever grateful. My utmost wish is that we both live a very long time and see these kiddos grow up and bounce our grandchildren on our knees. J has stayed home for 2 days with this illness, which is unheard of in his world. I don't think he's taken a sick day in the whole time we've been together. In the picture, J in his resting phase, playing his video game (Yes, he's a gamer. Sony Playstation is his current fave, I think he's into college football now. But, he only plays it after the kiddos go to bed. He calls it his alone time.)At least we have our health.

The Guilt of the Motherhood

In addition to recycling more, reducing my road rage, and not cussing, in my quest to be a better person, I am trying to reduce my tendency to be judgmental. I get it from my mother. Yes, I would tell her that, so I do not write 'out of school.' Boy, was I wrong about stay-at-home moms. I always sneered at the mommies at home as I rushed off to work in the mornings. "Lucky sons o'....." I had no idea. Staying at home with the kiddos is the greatest conflict. I feel guilty being home, I feel guilty when I don't read to the twins, I feel guilty for letting Jack climb on his jungle gym with only one eye on him, I feel guilty about wanting to go back to work and then I panic about how and who will take care of them if I go back. Staying at home is tough, emotionally and physically exhausting. I don't miss the gut worry when I am away from them or the desperate panic if I'm on a plane and there's terrible turbulance, but generally speaking, I miss being part of the larger working world.

It's weird. Most people I encounter laud the fact that I'm taking some time off to be with the kiddos, but in the next breath say, "Gosh, all that education. Wasted." Or "Well, what did you think would happen?" Or, "If you were working, you'd probably be at the Cards-Cubs game right now!" If there is one topic that everyone has an opinion on, it's child rearing and mothers. I'm taking myself out of the conversation and worrying only about my own flock, but I'm also not going to judge other mothers, be they working outside the home or not. This is a heavy enough load to hoe already.

I am happy to report that Jack seems to have passed the biting, hitting, shoving phase. Yes, I know, it's just one of those things, but it was quite upsetting. I'm reading a discipline book recommended by our pediatrician, 1-2-3 Magic. It's genius. We had a quiet 4th and stayed here. Aunt Emmy came into town and we had a bbq, etc.

In the pictures, Jack cuddles with Brooke and Caroline, Brooke and Caroline cuddle, Daddy tries to comfort the twinnies, Aunt Emmy feeds Caroline and Nana with all her grandbabies. Happy Tuesday

Dracula's Mommy

Parenting is a tough gig, it goes without saying. Jack is in a nursery school class and over the last two weeks, has gone from being a teacher's pet to shoving, biting and kicking his classmates. I am printing out this blog so that the children have a momento of our life, I mention this so that when they have issues with their own children they can have this little bit of advice. So....in my limited experience, I think that Jack is mad about the twins, or rather, the decreased attention since their arrival. I guess. Though we work very hard at making sure he's getting enough attention. Plus, he's officially a "strong willed" child. Sigh. This shouldn't be much of a shock given his parents, but it is a little upsetting. He has also been kicking and biting me and his sisters. And he's really a very, very gentle soul. Parenting experts say that aggression is really fear or anxiety and that this too shall pass. I really yelled at him today, to my great chagrin, but the upside is that he had a great day in school today and received the STAR of the WEEK award for such behavior improvement. He also got to be the line leader, which made him proud. Living with patience and compassion is hard. Here's hoping this little phase is over. In the picture, Jack in time out, yet again. Time out for scratching his sister's arm, not for watercoloring his face. Time out reserved for violent acts.